Longing for SB

I'm in such a funk. It seems like not much in life is going my way right now. Sometimes I just wonder like... what God is doing. I think I only write on this thing when I'm upset, lol. I just want so many things that I'm not getting. I don't know if it's because I am trying to fill a hole with them or what. But it sucks. Yuck I am definetly in a weird place right now.
I can't wait for spring break! Gettin off this campus, seeing old faces, being with my wonderful family in my wonderful home... goin to Cancun with my daddy, being tan and not pasty white (!) and just being relaxed. And further more, summer is going to rock my world. I don't think I could ask for a better schedule. More on that later. Latron.

ugh

I have a splitting headache. I've been in my room all day besides taking a shower, and been in bed most of that time. I'm having one of the bad days, that is supposedly coming with the good days... but where are they? Yuck... I feel awful

"Last night, when I was turning tricks..."

I promised Joanna I would make that the title of this one, cuz she disagrees with me (I think I have a boring life, she thinks it's exciting). Tracy (Travis) went home today. I miss having her here! She is just so sweet and a pleasure to have around. I can't believe our week together is already done.
You know what's funny? Even when you feel God's peace for a day, a night, whatever... that aching comes back. It's like, what in the world makes me feel this way? Why do I feel contented one minute and restless the next? Why do I push for things I can't have and then get angry at God for knowing better than me? I just wish this time it would be for real. That I wouldn't have my head in the clouds, I wouldn't exaggerate things, I would just be still and know He is God... and know He is the only one who will ever truly love me.
Sorry... deep interjection for a silly day. Hannah and I had a fit of laughter... something about her breaking my nose and trying to feel my brain. It was hilarious and I think Grantham Ground may consider me mentally ill. OH MY GOSH there's no homesteading for next year! I am so pissed off. Now who knows where we'll end up or where Cait and Gwen will be! I am so writing housing and complaining. GRR!!!

I love you, chocolate

TRACY IS HERE! OH my word, we are having so much fun! She came to my classes, I hope they didn't bore her too badly. I have so many tests this week...so many. Which stinks cuz Tracy is here and I have to study. We went to Larson this afternoon and got fruit smoothies. We had this amazing conversation about direction, God, love and life... it was crazy. Like, she's grown up! I mean, it felt like the same page instead of big sister-little sister. She actually encouraged me a whole lot. A lovely unexpected surprise. She saw my crush and she was impressed! Tee hee, more to come!

Love Song for No One

I almost slept through my 8 oclock class because I keep turning off my alarm clock... but I don't remember it at all. This would be the third time in three weeks... so I'm stocking up on Tylenol PM or getting a prescription for Ambien from the clinic on campus. I have issues... hee hee. I always come into these thing thinking I have so much to write, and already I'm clueless. Later!

I miss my girls... 

Oh my gosh...

1. If he tells your that you are hot...Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand...Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer...Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you...Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
6. If he tries to kiss you...Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
7. If he asks to come inside...Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you...Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
10. After you dump him...Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.

Dear Sweet Foolish Valentine

Well, it's not Valentine's Day anymore. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it might be on campus. However, this is my 18th Valentine as a single girl. Kinda sucks... although I don't want to jump on the sad singles thing that seems to be going around. I'm really not sad to be single, mostly because I know nothing different. Sigh, I just think it would be nice. I don't want to waste my time, so I'm not gonna date just anybody. Man, these morals keep gettin in the way. Hee hee. My birthday is so soon! I can't wait to be 19! I get so excited for my birthday every year, even though I'm barely ever really the center of attention like I love to be lol. Most years it was during the play, when everything was so crazy. This year, I'll be in Cancun. I can't wait to go, but at the same time I'm not going to see my mom for like, all of spring break and I miss her so much. I think I will skip class on Monday and go to a birthday lunch with her. Haha, my master plan. I miss my family tonight. I can't wait for the summer. At the same time, I love my Grantham Ground girls and feel so blessed by their friendships. Lab tomorrow, YES! One step closer? NO!

I had a really fun time at Eastern this weekend. Joanna's friends are SO NICE! I'm glad she found some great girls. I'm so tired and hungry but I have to write today in my food journal... so I must refrain. However, in 13 minutes, it will be Monday! YESSS. Ok, I have nothing to say and I don't know why!

Me and my sister...  

AAAAND Screw THAT

Ok... I'm upset. GRR I HATE MY LIFE... no I don't but I hate my luck.

So, I know that in the end it'll all be worth it, but what's so wrong with me? I just don't understand this. I feel so confused... why do I always get my hopes up?

Why isn't it Friday?

Oh my word, I can't believe that today really isn't Friday. It should be. Let's change that. So, my family isn't coming for lil sibs weekend, which I must say I'm really bummed about. I just thought that they would be really excited to come. I think I'm going to go to Eastern, which is awesome because I really want to meet Joanna's friends. When was the last time I was there? I think it was October... for her birthday when I got my yellow shoes which makes me feel so guilty cuz thats six months! AGH! Oh my word, I am SO excited to go to Cancun and be tan, tan tan. I tried so hard to stop myself from buying some shirts from Old Navy... but I still bought them! Haha, there's my willpower for you.
I'm at this place where I'm wondering what God wants for me... something really nice is going on, but I don't want to let my own hopes get in the way. But if this is what he wants, it would be GREAT! I hope, hope, hope beyond normal hope that it is. Not goin ta tell ya what though. Man, anyone else think I'm secretive lately? Ok... that's all for now.

La La La La La

Today has been such a nice day. Crazy me turned off my alarm in the middle of the night, so I missed my eight o'clock class... but we were going to a coffeeshop and it was gonna be so much fun! I woke up super bummed and dejected hee hee. But I got to rest up a little more after another round of insomnia last night. I have such issues, but I think I had sweet dreams last night, so it's all good. So then I went to lunch with Chuck and Hans, and almost turned around and walked right into a certain somebody's backpack, which was utterly humiliating for the entire Lottie that saw me. Then we had our first lab, which wasn't as painful as I thought it might be. Most everyone in it seems pretty nice. Good stuff... I like that class. But I won't say why... aren't you all in suspense?!?! GAH I'm such a trickster!

DYNASTY

GO PATRIOTS!!! THREE YEARS BABY!!! TOM BRADY IS MY HUSBAND... I LOVE HIM TO PIECES.

Exhausterbated

I have been having so much trouble falling asleep. I really am having a problem. I think I know why it is, but there isn't much I can do about it. So I'm exhausted but I can't sleep, cramps cuz I got my period like, an hour ago and nature felt the need to mock me while I'm down, and a massive caffeine headache cuz I've been up since 8 am with no coffee and I laid in bed for hours before I fell asleep.
It's so good to have Hannah back. She just has this calming presence to her that makes us all seem to get along much better. I can't explain it, it's just so great to have back. I'm really glad that she will be my roommate next year and that we get to go to Philadelphia together. She's my LP forever.
It's amazing how God has changed some of my friendships this semester. Fall sem I felt like I barely knew Caitlin at all, and now I can really count her among my best friends. She's so funny, nonjudgmental, considerate, and gracious to me, especially with all I've been struggling with lately. Even in the midst of pain she's going through, she still looks to God for her satisfaction, and I really admire that. She's not here this weekend, and I miss her and our conversations about insanely deep stuff and the most incredibly stupid banter you could imagine. AWESOME.
I picked up a major declaring notice yesterday! That is such a huge step for me, thats a big fear of mine. But taking these classes has shown me that this is something I am good at, something that comes naturally to me for the first time. I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Today on the way to lunch I saw my cute new friend, and I think I blushed. Was gonna sit next to him in class (just as a friend, mind you) but it was a left handed desk, and so I didn't. Another girl sat next to him and actually PRETENDED to be left handed... I'm just so not that desperate. Hannah and I mocked her insessantly behind her back. Ok, all for now.

THANKS CHUCK

"I want to be like that...where I close my eyes and throw back my head and I step up to dance with You. My tiny hand in Your infinite one. My steps so clumsy compared to Your grace. The music begins and we step out onto the floor. My grip tightens, knowing I will fall, but knowing also You will guide me. And the music swells, roaring in my ears, until I am so captured that I cannot look at anyone but You. My hands feel poised for the next step, my head up, a smile of love on my face, my eyes lock with Yours...and then, maybe then, I will not even notice when You turn to one of Your sons and invite him to dance with me."

I can't wait for LBI 05!!!! 

Nevermind the little things

What's up my people? Haha don't you love it when little white girls try to act ghetto? Sorry, I won't subject you to it anymore. Tonight I had pizza for dinner... leftover since I had to pay friggin 10 bucks for it, lol im still bitter. I had my first Food Science Nutrition class today, and I have the cutest boy in my class! Like, so cute, I'm totally crushin! Plus I get to take it with my LP, who just makes life better, so how could that be wrong? My other classes are pretty sweet, I have the same prof twice in one day, which gets a little tricky. Guess I can't skip one class and show up to the other! I only have one class at 8 tomorrow, so after chapel I can sleep the day away. I get to be a junior high leader at church this summer! I am so excited, I can't wait to start. This will be a great summer, I can already tell. And all that time with Tracy? YES! She's comin up in like, 2 weeks to stay the week, and I hope she has fun here! I don't want to disappoint her with the lack of activity on campus, so hopefully I can drive her around and show her some cool stuff off campus. There's like, literally three months of school left, I can hardly believe we've already done five. It's madness. Ok, I'm finally alone in my room, and I intend to enjoy it! Alone time is scarce in this new room, unlike last semester. It's good most of the time, but I gain energy by being alone. I don't mean to offend, I just can't be constantly surrounded by people. Woohoo... LOVE YA!

I am worth $2,301,816.00 on HumanForSale.com

Buy this for me... and I'll marry you. 

Sigh, no one liked that picture

It's new

I got so bored with my LiveJournal... I want to put up pictures. That's all for now.