2 Years Later

So... it's really been awhile. I was home about 2 weeks ago and, for some reason, decided to go back and look at my old blog. I remembered how much I really liked writing in it, and how I missed the creative outlet. I especially loved to write in a spoken word format, which I honestly don't think I have done since I stopped writing here. I doubt anyone still reads this, so maybe I will have to entice people to start reading my thoughts again.

I hope that some people will take the time to read my old entires. Most of them are from sophomore year, a couple are from freshman year. I think it will be interesting, particularly for those of you who didn't know me then. My experiences in Philadelphia and Greece shaped and challenged me, ultimately changing who I am and the way I live. I see in the past entries a lot more naivety, which is equal parts embarrassing and empowering. I also see a sweetness and a softness that I think I have lost. Perhaps not lost... but definitely hidden. During those two years, I was still dealing with past pain and allowing myself to reel from it, and also to heal. My self-preservation method of choice these days is to toughen up so that I'm never hurt like that again. We shall see if that has been an asset or a detriment, because I'm not sure I know yet.

I graduated college. Moving out of the house I shared with my best friends in the entire world will likely go down as one of the worst days of my life. As one who does not enjoy public displays of emotion, I was a basketcase and if you saw me that day at all you can attest to it.

In case you did not know, my life right now is in what you might call an upheaval. This summer I moved 3 times (school to home, home to a new house, new house to Hburg) and it all left me a little stunned. I am painfully unemployed. I am living off of my savings and begging employers to give me a chance in social services. If you are in a similar boat, I don't think that I even have to tell you how disheartening it is to be rejected so many times, eh? I guess I am in the process of finding out what I'm cut out for. I live with a beautiful and spirited artist named Erin, who has turned out to be the silver lining in my post-college episodes. Through pain and joy alike she is sensitive, optimistic, and gracious (things I am sometimes lacking myself).

Ok, I'm still effing single, too. When I read back on my hopeful and pleading past entries, I remember thinking that there was no way I would graduate from college without a boyfriend. I have had a few interests one way or another, but nothing serious and nothing lasting. At this phase of my life I am not sure where a boyfriend would fit it, since I feel like I don't have anything together for myself, let alone someone else. While I am still hopeful, I am somewhere between content and complacent in my singleness. Hmm, that's probably not a good thing.

I will write again soon. Hopefully before 2 years goes by again.