a short break from the madness

So I'm taking a quick break from studies to update this. I am really exhausted. 9 hours of lecture a day... I am so glad I only have 2 days left, and then its time to see some Hburg friends! It makes me feel like... ok I can do this, I can do this.

I feel like this is really the only thing God hasn't been completely silent on recently. Not that it's a bad thing. I think God has taught/is teaching me such a great deal from the silence. I think this year has been a time to learn heaping helpings of humility and patience... for better or for worse haha.

Still very unsure of life's "next step." My adventurous heart is already planning where I can visit during school breaks (Bahamas for Junkanoo is most DEF happening btw), but my desire to lay down roots is creeping up on me too. I'm not sure what side I will give in to yet. Can I have both? I think that's what I really want. Lay down some roots with someone who will adventure around the world with me at a moments notice and fly anywhere we want just because the tickets are cheap and the going is good. Lets go to Australia. And France. And Thailand. And New Zealand. And I want to go back to Greece... but only to the islands. I want to take like $500 and take ferrys and tiny planes to as many Greek islands as I can. Or we can, if you'd like to come along (as long as you like sleeping in hostels and taking bus rides with stinky old Greek men and eating what we can afford). I'm definitely going back to Santorini and Crete but some other ones as well. If it weren't totally creepy I'd go with Hannah and Clay on their honeymoon to Thailand. But yeah, I won't. I'll go some other time. Omg this is why I should never talk about travel... I can't stop.

YO!

I HAVE REALLY BIG NEWS!

So, in the past 24 hours, two African men have asked to take my photo and then take me out for drinks, all while being sure to mention my... as if I wasn't aware. And they both live in Philly and told me I should move back. I think I might be officially creeped out. No, yes, I definitely am. For sure.

An old man just yelled at me for 20 minutes because he wanted to see my boss but she forced me to say she was busy. He couldn't hear me apologize and yelled louder.

I got my parents a discounted stay (majorly) at the hotel I work for in Palm Beach, and then they got a free upgrade to oceanfront. Go Carly.

All in all... weird day.

summa

I have so much fun stuff happening for the rest of the summer and I am simply tickled. Every weekend til almost September I have something really really awesome to do and it feels like FINALLY I have a little more adventure. First I'm going to DJ's in NYC, Dana's turning 21, then Steph's bridal shower in MA, then I'm going to Pittsburgh to see Caitlin and the Madias for a long weekend, then I'm going to LBI with my family, then soon this kid named Chad will be visiting me, then Persy will be getting married and then I'll be going back to LBI with the other side of the fam, and then hopefully a move to Philadelphia shortly after... it's just so much excitement for such a short amount of time.

In the past few weeks I have been seeing unexpected glimpses of God's faithfulness for things I have been praying about for years and years and years (seriously I'm talking like, over a decade). I feel awed by it. I love the moments where you can see dark clouds parting and you realize that the sun was there the whole time, still warming the earth, you just couldn't see it. I feel the same way right now, although it was God who I couldn't see behind the dark clouds... and He was still shining the whole time. I'm really hoping the glimpses will turn into full on rays of sun in the upcoming days. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmen.

Nothin but LOVEEE

I am sure of nothing but His love.

As I prayed last night I found myself saying... Ok Lord I graduated over a year ago now and I have nothing of value to show for myself. I didn't serve you in missions like my friends did, I haven't made money like my friends did, I haven't found someone like my friends did, I haven't pursued my passions like my friends did... And I look over my life this past year and feel strange about it because it has been such a storm of highs and lonely lonely lows.

I have been selfish, I have been quick to anger, I have been lazy and calloused and cynical and rude and uncaring. I have ignored people's hurts and needs and felt sorry for myself and been jealous of what other people have. I have wished I was anyone but me and refused to see His work in my life. I have held grudges and thought nasty things about a sundry of topics. I have doubted God's plan unfolding and hated who He created me to be.

However... This year more than ever I have relied on grace, learned the value of forgiveness, and surrendered my own agenda. I've learned to cherish those who love me and pray for those who don't. I've longed for the peace of God and praised Him when He brought comfort in the storms. I stood on my own two feet and learned the difference between independence and interdependence. I learned to humble myself and cry out to Him as my protector and the only thing I'll ever really need. I realized I'm not all that great and yet I'm even more beautiful than I imagined possible because in spite of it all I'm the sparkle in His eye. I've found that despite my many failures I'm given unending hope. I've experienced what I thought I wanted and found myself longing for a different kind of life.

So basically, at the end of a turbulent and confusing year I have found that
I am sure of nothing but His love.

Preeeeeeeeeach it.

Haha I looooove this quote by Tamarind's uncle, who is an author/pastor/speaker and so blunt and funny. It's supposed to be what a girl should say when a guy wants to "get some" although I've found a simple "no way" usually suffices. This is funnier though, and so true.

"Give you some!? Explain to me your spiritual insight, tell me your mental, social, and financial destiny. Improve yourself to become a person of value- who improves my value, who can qualify for this....put a ring on my finger, promise to remain faithful and you will not only get some you will get the full package, you can smack this and back this and get the whole thing, if you qualify."
-Dave Burrows-

Had a year...

Figuring out this "what to do next" stuff is a wee bit disheartening, eh?
Scratch that.
TRYING to figure it out.

Some Musings.

1. I definitely want to find a job that I love. I need to.
2. I want to move to Philadelphia NOW!
3. I wish all my best friends still lived in the same house... or right down the road.
4. Seeing some of the couples in this world makes me smile because (while it's kinda mean), I realize that if they can find someone to love, there's gotta be a little weirdo out there for me too.
5. When I fall in love with that little weirdo, we're going to Paris together.
6. I want to go anywhere and everywhere. By myself or with someone else. Let's just go.
7. Does anyone want to give me the money to just go?
8. It's weird when your baby sister becomes more like a best friend. Weird but freakin awesome.
9. I can't wait to go to South Carolina on Sunday. Even though I have to help Dana move.
10. I wish I was better at keeping in touch with people... and at the same time wish people were better at keeping in touch with me.

Those are my Friday musings.

Musical Bus Tours

As Hannah and I were waiting at the bus stop last night to get to the airport for the end of my all too short visit, we could overhear an older man with a lovely singing voice. He seemed quite content to placate himself with songs from Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Being the outgoing one in the duo, I leaned over to him and said, "You have a wonderful voice." He beamed at me and said he didn't know anyone could hear him. He continued to sing and we continued to smile and listen. As we climbed on the bus, he found a seat across from us and as the bus rumbled to a start he began to sing again. "Unforgettable... that's what you are..." The entire bus took notice, and while the social discomfort of someone robbing you of silence on the bus was palpable, the mood shifted into a peaceful lull. He went on to tell us of how he was on American Idol, how he petitioned the producers to allow a 65 year-old man who had just lost his wife to cancer to sing for the judges. He was allowed to, and even made it onto the show. Randy gave him a "knuckle bump" and Simon called him a class act. He pulled from his bag a CD for Hannah and I to look at, entitled "Sherman Pole: For my Lady Love." He asked the crowded bus if we knew a little ditty by a band called the Monkees. "Cheer up Sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean..." Our bus driver grabbed the microphone and started singing along. I exclaimed to Hannah that it felt like we were in some strange bus musical and surely one of our fellow travelers was about to start dancing in the bus aisles. Nearly everyone in the bus broke out in song or applause for Sherman. It was completely surreal and my cheeks started to hurt from smiling so much. In between songs like "The Way You Look Tonight" and "The Very Thought of You" he berated the men of the world for allowing me to be single ("bunch of dummies" was the exact phrase), told me I had the demeanor of a therapist, and praised me for being a younger version of his "lady love." After an hour and a half of lovely music, we had to say goodbye to our new friend. As I reached my hand out to tell him how much I enjoyed his company, he embraced me while saying "this is for friends." He handed me a CD and asked that I visit his website and tell him how I like it. Hannah and I rushed away to say our goodbyes, I couldn't help but laugh at that whole episode. I had just met a man who sang because he loved to sing, to make people smile, and to cause a bit of a scene. He possessed the gift to brighten everyone's day even if only for a little while. What a strange and wonderful little man he was... maybe I'll have him sing at my wedding someday.

So today, I am supposed to make a giant list of wedding planners in CT and NY to send promotional packets to for the Omphoy. One problem that I am running into is that many wedding planners have become exclusive with one or another wedding website. So I can't get any information from them without signing up as a "bride-to-be" with these websites. And I CANNOT bring myself to do it. I just can't do it.

Anyways, life is still moving and changing so fast. I'm just keeping up.

Can you believe we graduated a YEAR AGO???