I guess I'm a grown up

Since I still just don't feel like having a link on my profile, you'll probably just get this if you check it to see if I've updated... which, lets just admit, is a little sad. Speaking of sad, I feel like crying. It's my last week, my last weekend, my last Sunday... I am officially not a new college student. I hate this feeling. It's the same feeling when my parents dropped me off here. Knowing it was right, but longing to cling to what I knew. Aching because all I wanted was for life to stay the same. Now I can't imagine my life without these girls. I can't imagine this first year, the transitions, the sad-tears, the laugh-tears, the 2-hours-of-sleep-cuz-we-just-can't-stop-talking, even the fights and the drama... it's my life now. And here I go again, back into more unknown territory. Unsure of what the next four months hold, wondering if I am doomed to the family room couch, left out countless times- sending me into a tearful nostalgia of last summer. I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to be the outcast again. Life here is too good, I'm too accepted and loved to go back to being the "girl who once was"... popular, cheerful, happy, secure, hopeful. Will I be stuck with pretending again? If I try to show who I am, will I just be lectured again? I have so many doubts, so many actual fears of this summer. I never thought I would be so desperate to stay in school. I just hope life won't repeat itself... I don't want the sadness I felt last summer. Thank goodness for sisters, and lets hope I'm still welcome in their lives.