Tomorrow

I had a great day today. My French test was so much easier than I thought it would be (!) and I hung out with some super fun people teaching Seida to drive. She did an awesome job!!! WOO! Made dinner but... didn't eat it. Then went to the Carribean Student Association. We talked about stereotypes and it really got me thinking about all the stupid things I do/say. Hmm...
Standing on the edge of a weekend I don't want to begin. I'm not ready to face this death and this reality. I just want normalcy and I want to feel OK.

Rainy is fitting

Please keep my family in your prayers. My cousin died this morning. I'm still in a weird mix of emotions... but I know what's coming up will not be fun.

Joyful

I'm finding myself at perhaps the happiest time in my life. I realized through talking to Hans and Tam that even though I doubted God so much, He has led me to the exact place He wanted me to be. When I remember the things I so earnestly longed for... I laugh a little and look around me. My days are filled with laughter and fellowship, amazing friendships and a total lack of loneliness. As much as I love CT, it was one of the loneliest times of my life this summer. I just felt so...distant. I hate feeling like I'm unwanted somewhere, and I never ever feel that way here.
I love not having the need to impress someone. I'm realizing more and more what a goofball I am... simply for the sake of having fun. I know God is telling me to take advantage of this point in my life. It will be so fleeting. I am seriously a crazy lady. I'll quote Andy here, "I think you're the weirdest girl I've ever met. But it's cool." Thanks, buddy.
I'm so amazingly thankful to God. There is nothing in my life I want to change. I can't wait for everything coming up in life. I LOVE MY LIFE!!! GAH.

Never

Yeah I know
I don't fit your mold.
I don't need reminders
filling the pages of my magazines.
Beauty is pain
beauty is starvation
beauty is burning

your beauty is death.

My hair has roots.
I don't ask it to be
something it's not.
My highlights pick up the sun
and the boys
and bounce relentlessly in wind
But I don't fit the mold.

My eyes are brown
earth and nature and life
breathe through
their honey richness.
They sparkle with love
and joy and peace and happiness.
But I don't fit the mold.

My lips are big
red or pink or brown or beige
a menagerie of kisses.
My teeth are small and white
glamorous pearls to adorn my mouth
my smile can send shivers up your spine.
But I don't fit the mold.

My breasts are soft hills
displaying my womanhood
wrapped in clothen sheathes
they tell a story of days to come
when they will serve
most beautiful of purposes.
But I don't fit the mold.

My hands are soft and subtle
tiny and young in size
they weave stories
with their fluid motions
and tease and caress
and guide and comfort.
But I don't fit the mold.

My waist is tiny
as it was in youth
two mere hands breadth its circumference.
It is the precipice
of my hour glassed figure
it serves as my strength.
But I don't fit the mold.

My butt is large and shapely
hard as a rock
yet soft as a whisper.
It leaves you jealous
wondering and speechless
and it ties me to those I call home.
But I don't fit the mold.

My hips sway
back and forth back and forth
the tightrope wire of walking.
I sway like branches
dancing in a summer storm
I scream femininity.
But I don't fit the mold.

My legs are powerful
short in stature
mighty in size.
I don't lend to twigs
and sticks and rods and rails
I embrace my trunks of steel.
But I don't fit the mold.

My feet are miniature
seemingly bound in size
delicately gentle and yet
the foundation of my being
the stronghold of body
meshed in two fragile beings.
But I don't fit the mold.

I know that I am beautiful.

But no matter what
I won't fit into
your cookie cutter world
of beauty.

I am my own vision
of strength and valor
and love and wisdom
and power and beauty.
I refuse to bow to
your world of confusion.

I love myself
body
mind
heart
and you will not break me.

JACK 

Jack Johnson is my lova

Jack Johnson is AMAZING!!! The concert, minus the crowd, was one of the best experiences of my life. Great music, great weather, great company. Hannah, Caitlin, Danny, Derek, thanks for an awesome time. You guys are a blast and I love ya to pieces.
So, college is fabulous. Heehee. Living with Hannah is great and our room is freakin awesome! We don't use our flourescent lights, so we just have great lights everywhere in our room.
Oh geez I wish I was better at this writing thing. I run out of things to say.

ITS SUCKS

Ok ITS is Messiah's internet service, which forced us to download a program it refuses to acknowledge we downloaded, and now we can't sign on the internet. So I am in the student union, sitting like a loser without a computer and updating my blog. I'm really annoyed. How much money do I spend to go here? Geez, get it together Messiah!
It's alot harder than I thought it would be to keep in touch with my friends. I was really spoiled living down the hall from them all year. Sigh, but I guess that's what happens. And, pretty soon we'll be spread all over the world as we go abroad or across the country, and then we'll really see what it's like to be far away. Hannah might be gone for all of junior year... and I worry what I will do about living situations if she's gone. I want to study abroad one semester next year, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to do it all year long. I want the experience, but I also want to come back and live here... oh well I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
Ok the boys playing pool are making lewd sexual comments and I'm becoming physically ill. So, I'm going to get this together and go where the testosterone is a little bit lower. Peace.

And back to the drama...

This is such an awful situation. It's just big fat drama and it really doesn't have anything to do with me. Whatever, I'm not gonna repeat the misery of first semester with this girl.
I LOVE MESSIAH!