Hmm... so I guess it's been awhile. I have become not so good at updating this things. I will try to organize the past 30+ days into one cohesive post... we'll see how that goes.
First of all, I have absolutely fallen in love with my kids from Montgomery. They are so precious, such beautiful gifts from God. I don't want to leave them for the summer. I find myself not even wanting Friday to come cuz I know that means I can't see them for a few days. There is something about living in this city that has captured my attention. It's dirty, it's loud, it's crowded... and yet it's beautiful. These past few gorgeous spring days... walking around the city, sitting in our beautiful gazebo/picnic tables/blanket in the grass in the backyard, just enjoying friendship and God's eye for beauty. It is truly breathtaking.
I am still amazed to think of the person I was when I was graduating high school, and how different I am just two years later (and yet, I keep thinking, has it been two years already?!?). Some things I wanted then have changed drastically, some are painfully the same. Sometimes when I remember the person I was in high school, I just remember being so sad... a painful rejection always pushed in my face, never ever feeling good/pretty/thin/cool/popular/(could the list really ever end?) enough to get through. I will not say that I am super happy, or that I have everything that I have ever wanted, but I feel so fulfilled. I guess it's joy, and not happiness, that I find so abundantly in my heart... and it is a great feeling. God is so great, isn't He?
I've decided to stay in Philly next semester. I am not sure why. Part of me misses the quiet of Grantham, but I really feel like I haven't completed my purpose here. I am hoping to get an RA position, but I'm like, the youngest person applying, so who knows about how that will turn out. I won't find out for almost another month, but if the CRAZYFAST month of March is anything like April, it'll feel like tomorrow.
I need patience... Being faithful is never easy, especially when you have to let go of your grasp on something and admit that you don't know what the future holds. Sometimes I feel crazy for putting so much faith into something I heard so many years ago. Then other times, I remember that He who has promised us is faithful. I am so thankful that I serve a God of mercy, I am so touched that He cares for my heart and my wishes, and even when I screw it up again and again, I praise God because He knows I am trying my best to be faithful to Him.
Sigh... spring is lovely here in Philly. Praise God.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I'll hide you seek
Once there was a little girl. She was small and sweet, timid and shy. One day she found a boy who liked her very much. As the little girl grew, she began to play games of hide-and-go-seek with the little boy. However, the poor little girl did not know how to play the game. She would hide. The little boy would call after her, and she would run from her hiding place, afraid that if she did not answer he would stop looking. This made sense to the little girl, and whenever she gave up her hiding place, she would run to the little boy and hold on tight.
Now, anyone who has ever played hide-and-go-seek would know that the little girl was ruining the game. What she did not know is that the little boy wanted to find her, he wanted her to hide in the cabinets and closets and boxes, in order that he might win the game. The little girl was so worried that if the little boy thought she had disappeared, he would find another little girl to play with.
The little girl could not have imagined what would happen next. The little boy grew tired of the game, grew tired of her. He found another little girl who was hiding from her own little boy. He was excited by this little girl who knew how to play the game. Without explaination, the little boy left the little girl for his new friend, never looking back...never saying goodbye.
The little girl remained in her hiding space. The little boy was not calling her name. As she popped her head out to remind him that she was still missing, she saw her best friend had left her. She ran from her secret hiding place and into the light. She shed big crocodile tears, she cried in the arms of her mother and in the darkness of her room. She did not understand why the little boy did not want to play with her; for she did not understand hide-and-go-seek. The little boy never came back... but the little girl always prayed he would.
As the little girl became a young woman, and the boy a young man, they forgot one another. Hide-and-go-seek had become a dangerous game for both. At times they would spot each other across the room, but both young woman and young man felt the sting of lost love. What the young man did not know was that while his new friend soon left him for a boy whom she loved more, the young woman was falling in love with a perfect Man. Without her playmate by her side, she spent her time playing hide-and-go-seek with her Father.
The young woman's Father, the inventor of hide-and-go-seek, taught her that a true playmate does not abandon the hider until found. Therefore, He assured her, she need not fear that if she hid and was quiet, the seeker would leave her waiting, for he would seek her earnestly until she was discovered. She learned the art of patience. She learned to hide with grace and a smile. She learned to close her mouth when she wanted to shout the young man's name. She learned that while the young man would continue to play hide-and-go-seek with other girls, she must still hide. She learned that while other young men would seek after her and try to pry into her secret hiding place, she must still hide. She learned that her Father would guard her hiding place. She learned if she trusted Him and remained quiet as He asked, her Father would not reveal her hiding place to anyone but the young man.
So she must still hide.
And there she remains, in her secret place. She can hear the young man's voice in the distance. He has not yet realized that she is in hiding, that she is waiting for him to remember the little girl who was afraid he would leave. She is waiting for him to realize that she never wanted to make him leave, she only wanted to be loved. She is waiting for him to seek out the face of her Father, and beg her Father to show him the hiding place of the little-girl-turned-young-woman. She is waiting for the doors of her secret hiding place to fling open with the fervor of a young man who has also learned to play hide-and-go-seek. Yet she knows he cannot hear the voice of her Father above the noise of other playmates and games of hide-and-go-seek. Still, years of playing with her Father have taught the young woman that her Father will never go looking for a new playmate. He will never lose interest when she appears too eager. Instead, He will continue to teach her how to be graceful. He will continue to guard her hiding place as a treasure above all else. He will continue to teach her how to play hide-and-go-seek, until there comes a time when she need not play games anymore. When that time comes, she will thank her Father for His protection, for He never let anyone invade her secret place.
And the little girl will run once again to the little boy.
She will be the princess captured,
he the charming prince to rescue her.
And the young woman and the young man
will be playmates forever.
Now, anyone who has ever played hide-and-go-seek would know that the little girl was ruining the game. What she did not know is that the little boy wanted to find her, he wanted her to hide in the cabinets and closets and boxes, in order that he might win the game. The little girl was so worried that if the little boy thought she had disappeared, he would find another little girl to play with.
The little girl could not have imagined what would happen next. The little boy grew tired of the game, grew tired of her. He found another little girl who was hiding from her own little boy. He was excited by this little girl who knew how to play the game. Without explaination, the little boy left the little girl for his new friend, never looking back...never saying goodbye.
The little girl remained in her hiding space. The little boy was not calling her name. As she popped her head out to remind him that she was still missing, she saw her best friend had left her. She ran from her secret hiding place and into the light. She shed big crocodile tears, she cried in the arms of her mother and in the darkness of her room. She did not understand why the little boy did not want to play with her; for she did not understand hide-and-go-seek. The little boy never came back... but the little girl always prayed he would.
As the little girl became a young woman, and the boy a young man, they forgot one another. Hide-and-go-seek had become a dangerous game for both. At times they would spot each other across the room, but both young woman and young man felt the sting of lost love. What the young man did not know was that while his new friend soon left him for a boy whom she loved more, the young woman was falling in love with a perfect Man. Without her playmate by her side, she spent her time playing hide-and-go-seek with her Father.
The young woman's Father, the inventor of hide-and-go-seek, taught her that a true playmate does not abandon the hider until found. Therefore, He assured her, she need not fear that if she hid and was quiet, the seeker would leave her waiting, for he would seek her earnestly until she was discovered. She learned the art of patience. She learned to hide with grace and a smile. She learned to close her mouth when she wanted to shout the young man's name. She learned that while the young man would continue to play hide-and-go-seek with other girls, she must still hide. She learned that while other young men would seek after her and try to pry into her secret hiding place, she must still hide. She learned that her Father would guard her hiding place. She learned if she trusted Him and remained quiet as He asked, her Father would not reveal her hiding place to anyone but the young man.
So she must still hide.
And there she remains, in her secret place. She can hear the young man's voice in the distance. He has not yet realized that she is in hiding, that she is waiting for him to remember the little girl who was afraid he would leave. She is waiting for him to realize that she never wanted to make him leave, she only wanted to be loved. She is waiting for him to seek out the face of her Father, and beg her Father to show him the hiding place of the little-girl-turned-young-woman. She is waiting for the doors of her secret hiding place to fling open with the fervor of a young man who has also learned to play hide-and-go-seek. Yet she knows he cannot hear the voice of her Father above the noise of other playmates and games of hide-and-go-seek. Still, years of playing with her Father have taught the young woman that her Father will never go looking for a new playmate. He will never lose interest when she appears too eager. Instead, He will continue to teach her how to be graceful. He will continue to guard her hiding place as a treasure above all else. He will continue to teach her how to play hide-and-go-seek, until there comes a time when she need not play games anymore. When that time comes, she will thank her Father for His protection, for He never let anyone invade her secret place.
And the little girl will run once again to the little boy.
She will be the princess captured,
he the charming prince to rescue her.
And the young woman and the young man
will be playmates forever.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
I have been told to update... I guess I'm not so good at this blogging thing. I feel a little confused at the moment...about alot. I'm just trying to wait on God and be PATIENT but it gets so wearing after awhile. I was going through a phase where like, EVERY DAY I wanted a boyfriend, which is weird because I rarely actually feel like that. It was really starting to worry me. But I realized that it's a desire I have for my life, and in and of itself it's not a bad thing. For some reason, God has asked me to wait for awhile, and I really want to be faithful, because after all...who is more faithful than He is? Now, I'm not gonna lie and say I want to be single forever, cuz well, I don't. But I can handle it. I am so thankful for being single for so long, because I have such a firm grasp on who I am and what I deserve from a relationship. I am not willing to settle at all, and especially recently, that has been a blessing. There was a situation in which my decisions about my own life sorta prevented me from moving forward in a certain relationship... and I'm so grateful. I could not be with someone who parties and gets drunk all the time and doesn't respect themselves (or me) enough to get to know each other without alcohol involved. I don't have anything against alcohol per se, but its the excessiveness of it all that just drives me insane.
I had a great week with Tracy, or Spit, what ever you want to call her. She is such a blessing... such an amazing girl. I love her to pieces, along with the rest of my family. AGH so much work to do before Friday, which is spring break for me. Yeah, spring break already, doesn't it seem so early? It's crazyness.
MY 20th BIRTHDAY IS SOON!!!
I had a great week with Tracy, or Spit, what ever you want to call her. She is such a blessing... such an amazing girl. I love her to pieces, along with the rest of my family. AGH so much work to do before Friday, which is spring break for me. Yeah, spring break already, doesn't it seem so early? It's crazyness.
MY 20th BIRTHDAY IS SOON!!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Song of Songs 3
All night on my bed
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"
Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother's house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"
Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother's house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
City Side
I've seen you in the mountains
you've shown me the trees
I can see your imprint
in the fragrant ocean's breeze.
The flowers are your thumbprint
the very rocks cry out
every work of nature
to it's Maker forever shouts.
But where can I find you now?
so unsure of your place
I find myself ever searching
for a glimpse of sweet grace.
I can see you even now
so far from what I've known
everything looks so different
from the place I call home.
You whisper in the wind
that sweeps across my face
reminding me that I am called
to always sing your praise.
So I find you on the sidewalks
in the grit of city air
I search in people's glances
creation reflected in the stares.
I hear your voice
begging mercy for the poor
as your children sleep on sidewalks
hoping to live one day more.
I sense your grace in gardens
in smiling beautiful hearts
in my brothers and sisters
who bring light into the dark.
In church we praise in harmony
a blessed human rainbow
we all reflect your lovely face
glimpse of heaven on earth below.
At first I did not find you
I saw suffering and only pain
then I saw you would use me
sunshine through the rain.
So I thank you for the city
and I thank you for the grime
I thank you for the subways
and I thank you for this time
I will thank you for the children
and I thank you for this place
I thank you for showing me
the city side of grace.
you've shown me the trees
I can see your imprint
in the fragrant ocean's breeze.
The flowers are your thumbprint
the very rocks cry out
every work of nature
to it's Maker forever shouts.
But where can I find you now?
so unsure of your place
I find myself ever searching
for a glimpse of sweet grace.
I can see you even now
so far from what I've known
everything looks so different
from the place I call home.
You whisper in the wind
that sweeps across my face
reminding me that I am called
to always sing your praise.
So I find you on the sidewalks
in the grit of city air
I search in people's glances
creation reflected in the stares.
I hear your voice
begging mercy for the poor
as your children sleep on sidewalks
hoping to live one day more.
I sense your grace in gardens
in smiling beautiful hearts
in my brothers and sisters
who bring light into the dark.
In church we praise in harmony
a blessed human rainbow
we all reflect your lovely face
glimpse of heaven on earth below.
At first I did not find you
I saw suffering and only pain
then I saw you would use me
sunshine through the rain.
So I thank you for the city
and I thank you for the grime
I thank you for the subways
and I thank you for this time
I will thank you for the children
and I thank you for this place
I thank you for showing me
the city side of grace.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Philly grabbed my heart and won't freakin let go!
I love it here. It's so wonderfully overwhelming and beautiful. The people here (MC campus at least) are fabulous, my profs are brilliant, and there is so much to do all the time. ALL the time. Fanflippintastic. I can't wait for friends to come visit. I can't wait to see my beloved Tam. I can't wait to understand the subway system. I can't wait for springtime in the city. I can't wait to make deeper friendship with these people. I can't wait for my urban field experience. I can't wait for late nights and all-too-early mornings.
Most of all, I can't WAIT to see what God has for me here.
Most of all, I can't WAIT to see what God has for me here.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Headed to Boston
I am so excited I finally get to go to Boston and see Kirsten's apartment and everything! So excited. In one week... I'll be in Philly. It's so surreal! I am excited and nervous all at once. I seriously cannot wait.
My last entry was a bit dramatic so I deleted it. I had a good New Years. New Years Eve is always a disappointment, isn't it? It's like, no matter what you're doing, you're still not doing something else. Someone I know, or, thought I knew, really shocked me with his insensitivity. And not just towards me, which I've almost come to expect, but to his very best friends. It broke my heart to find that they spent New Years Eve crying over it. It's hard to believe someone so nice could be such a jackass. Oh yeah, and the boys just went to Messiah... and didn't invite me to come along even though I would've gone in a heartbeat. Jerks.
I had coffee with my CT girls the other night, and I really had a good time. I wish Sarah could've been there, but she's already back at school. I miss my Messiah girls... omg I miss them so much. I don't think I'll be able to make it down there before Philly and it sucks. I think I overestimated how much longer of a break I have.
Well, I am not sure what else to update on... love yas.
My last entry was a bit dramatic so I deleted it. I had a good New Years. New Years Eve is always a disappointment, isn't it? It's like, no matter what you're doing, you're still not doing something else. Someone I know, or, thought I knew, really shocked me with his insensitivity. And not just towards me, which I've almost come to expect, but to his very best friends. It broke my heart to find that they spent New Years Eve crying over it. It's hard to believe someone so nice could be such a jackass. Oh yeah, and the boys just went to Messiah... and didn't invite me to come along even though I would've gone in a heartbeat. Jerks.
I had coffee with my CT girls the other night, and I really had a good time. I wish Sarah could've been there, but she's already back at school. I miss my Messiah girls... omg I miss them so much. I don't think I'll be able to make it down there before Philly and it sucks. I think I overestimated how much longer of a break I have.
Well, I am not sure what else to update on... love yas.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)