Joanna got fat in college! 

GORGEOUS

Spring is inching up to fall as my favorite time of year. Flip flops and capris with a light jacket... perfection. Sitting outside for homework and then spending the whole time talking to your friends instead...simply magical. Spring, thanks for coming, I missed you.
I get to go home Thursday! Yay I miss my family. It'll be so good to see them. I can't believe I'll be done with my freshman year in literally less than a month. And I've officially been 19 for a month, which is... exciting I suppose. Now if only that one little thing would fall into place... hip hip hooray for trusting God. BUT I GUESS HE KNOWS BETTER THAN ME. I GUESS. (((wink)))

Yay for Saturday!

Hmm... not much to report. We're going shopping today for spring fling, it should be fun. The weather is so amazing... I just love it. I'm excited to see my family again next Thursday. I miss them when I'm away. I'm also really gonna miss these girls... everything will be so different next year.
It's hard to convince yourself of something you've discouraged yourself from for so long. Am I willing to put myself on the line again? I'm just not sure...

"When our heart gets broken, it makes us afraid to hope..."

Summer's almost here...

Can you believe it? I'm in such shock! Today is so gorgeous, there's no way you could keep me inside. Except for that one professor who can... cuz I have lab. Doing some kind of Vitamin C titration. Not too excited, to be honest. But life is looking up right now, though I'm not sure why. Maybe just because I've spent time outside admiring God's beautiful creation... soaking in the sun with great friends. Happy happy happy. YAY FOR SPRING!

I like good movies and I hate racism

Saw "Guess Who" tonight with Tam, Jam, Hans and Mrs. Burrows. It was pretty good, pretty funny. Not an Ashton fan, but he was pretty cute in this movie. It kinda made me think alot about racism. I mean, we think we've come so far... and then we realize just how many prejudices actually exist. I hate it and it hurts me, not because I've experienced it. It hurts because when I put my African-American (or Bahamian, or African, or if they would just like to be called black) friends in that place and picture them there, I don't think there would be an end to my fury. I would be really frightened of my own anger. I know it exists... I just hate it.

Back to school, back to school

Hmm... it's actually pretty good to be back! These girls are just so amazing and I missed them! What will I do this summer? Perhaps we'll have visitations lol. Ok, good Easter break. Little cousins were in CT, and they have so much energy! It's crazy to think that I used to be like that haha. Maybe I'll wait juuuust a bit longer to have kids, I don't quite have the patience yet! Had a 20 minute lab, it is a gorgeous day maybe I'll go outside!

Easter morning, I sat with the whole fam in church. During the music, tears started to just pour out of my eyes. I've felt so far from God, so confused by what He's doing in my life. But hearing the words and gazing at the cross just brought me this overwhelming feeling of unworthiness and incredible worth at the same time, that someone would ever love me that much. I adore Him because I am still brought to tears by the thought that He loves me.

Jealousy, turning saints into the sea...

Yuck, yesterday was pretty gross too. Lab was fun though, it was so good to have Hannah back in there. We made chili pepper chips and black bean dip, which were really good and everybody liked! But then we also made a strawberry and banana smoothie with tofu... which did not go over as well. Although the cool people liked it.
Do you ever learn about things that you wish with all your heart you had never known? I am keeping so many secrets right now... how long until secrets eat you alive? I can't tell anyone anything and I didn't even ask to be told. The perfect little world I thought I knew has proven to be anything but. I know God will bring me through this time and show me the other side...I guess faith will carry me to that place.
Today has been a blur of classes and The Italian Job. Dinner soon... Larson tonight. Excited to go home. I kinda just want to be at peace...

Mixed Feelings

This weekend has brought alot of mixed feelings from me. I have so much to write about and I hope I don't leave anything out. I went to Eastern this weekend, and I really had so much fun. I met Mike, and kinda scoped him out a little. We hung out and he's got a great sense of humor. We got lost in Philly, Joanna got pulled over for a DUI (totally flirting with her, which we didn't find very funny at all), got delicious cheesesteaks, and then got lost leaving Philly as well. Props to Lauren and Chris for that one. Seriously, good job. We went out with Joanna's friends but also chilled alone for a bit, which was sweet. I felt sick on Saturday, but a nap seemed to make it a little better.
We found out that Caitlin's friend's mom died on Friday. She was like a second mom to Cait. I actually didn't find out until last night, and I just wished I could have been here this weekend to comfort her. I felt so awful, I had nothing to say. I mean, what can you say when something like this happens? It's just so unfair and horrible. So all I could say was I'm sorry. But I mean, she gets to go to the funeral, which is this Friday. It doesn't at all remedy the situation, but I'm glad she could be with people who understand the depth of this loss. Cait, if you're reading this this, I'm always praying for you with this. I'm sooooo soooo sorry.
Today seemed like the longest day in history. It's a sad day so far. Everyone seems to be struggling with something really significant. It's not like, "school sucks" or, "I want to go home." It's real stuff, and it worries me. I think we're all realizing that we aren't going to be together next year, that things are going to change and get muddled and messy. I don't like it either, but some are handling it worse than others, for sure.

Birfday Blues

So my birthday was over break. And... my dear sweet Hannah made a cake for me yesterday. And I know I am the selfishist person ever, but it kinda made me sad. Like, I really spent alot of time on my friend's birthdays and tried really hard to make it special for them. It's so stupid I just felt kinda unimportant. Like being the only one who didnt get a special night. And Tam and Jamie weren't even there. Ok, ignore me lol I'm just being ridiculous.
I'm learning to talk about how I really feel. I'm not scared of what they think anymore. It's ok to say what I mean and get on with my life. I have way to many things ahead to deal with this crap anymore.
I can't wait for summer. I want it so badly. Everything about it lol. EVERYTHING. Except packing up my dorm room. I've acquired so much crap over these months. How will I ever sort it out? I'm also excited to go to Eastern and meet the friends I haven't met and eat Philly cheesesteaks AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I love it. Leave me love, cuz I like to read comments.

Hmm...

You Are a Sensitive Kisser For you, kissing is a way to connect And you need lot of care, attention, and privacy It may take you a while to kiss someone... But when you do, it's total fireworks What's Your Kissing Style? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

"America's influence is not unlimited, but fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable, and we will use it confidently in freedom's cause... All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors."
- George W. Bush, Inaugural Address, January 20, 2005


May I ask you for three minutes to help end the suffering in Darfur? It really is quick and easy. (It will take three minutes if you click here now to send a message to President Bush and Congress, or six minutes if you read this entire email message.)

I am grateful for your support of our efforts to stop the violence against innocent civilians in Darfur. As you know, the world is sitting on its hands while women and children are being raped, tortured, and butchered in Darfur. We can, and we must, end this.

The most effective tool we have for ceasing the genocide is to let the president know that Americans care. The Save Darfur Coalition has created a very powerful, yet simple, system for you to communicate with our elected officials. (There is no charge for using it.)

You may send any message you wish. The draft we offer asks for the U.S. to support a strong resolution in the United Nations Security Council.

I am asking you to do this now, because this week marks our 100 Hours of Conscience: Voices to End the Violence campaign. Raising awareness across the U.S. and Canada, this program educates people about the crisis and gives them tools for taking action. The effort is designed to demonstrate to our leaders the importance we place in acting compassionately on our proclaimed moral and international leadership.

With a minute of silence at 3 p.m. on Thursday, college campuses across North America will usher in four days of community programs to educate individuals, mobilize public opinion, and take effective action. The heart of 100 Hours of Conscience is a letter-writing campaign in which participants express their commitment to the U.S. taking leadership to end the violence. We know it is within the power of our public officials to end the violence; they will take the necessary steps when they understand that we care about this.

I hope that you will be able to join us. Please remember your voice is needed, and will be effective, in ending the violence. Together, we will ease the suffering of the people of Darfur.
For more information, please visit our website at www.savedarfur.org. And if you haven't done so yet, please click here to send a message to President Bush and Congress.

+++++
I also want to alert you to very a special event this Friday in Washington. Brian Steidle, a former U.S. Marine and member of the African Union team monitoring the conflict in Darfur, will share his experiences in a stirring program at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum.

Witnessing the atrocities firsthand, Mr. Steidle documented his experience through hundreds of photographs that capture the horrors and destruction vividly and powerfully. His response, of outrage, commitment, and courage, will motivate us all. I hope you join us for his presentation at 2 pm on Friday. Please reserve a spot by calling (202) 314-7868.

You can also hear Brian (and John Prendergast) on NPR's Fresh Air on Thursday. Check http://www.npr.org/wheretohear/?prgId=13 for your local schedule.

back to el grindo

AAAAND spring break's over... I've got a wicked tan (props to New England with that one) and some pretty hot pictures, which I'll have to post later on. 8 oclock this morning... it was certainly a rude awakening. Yet I functioned well with the help of caffeine and the blasting cold weather of PA. Um, Hannah definetly ate rotten celery, threw up all night without telling anyone, is severly dehydrated and in the hospital... I am so buggin out. She's been gone literally all day long! It's so scary I really hope she just gets the IV put in her and then is better.
So in lab... we were making higher fat and lower fat foods (i made muffins, some made granola and some made macaroni). My low-fat Morning Glory Muffins (I'm not even joking, doesn't that sound like Barbie food?) required two cups of shredded carrots. So I'm fightin the grater that looks like a giant cow bell, when I look across my kitchenette at the group making higher fat muffins, and using a food processor. So in the midst of my jealousy, my hand slips, and I grated my thumbskin right off and proceed to gush blood. It was disgusting and I bled through two bandaids. Way to go, nutrition class. I don't think it's real healthy to put human flesh in a low fat recipe, but that's just my opinion. Take it with a grain of suga.
Wow... home in 9 days again? Marvelous. Eastern in 3 days? Fabulous. Not getting what I want? Suckalicious. Ok... all for now.

CANCUN

HEY Im in Cancun! It´s so freakin warm here, and Im tan! Our hotel has internet access, so I figured Id make you all a little jealous... heard its snowin in CT... gotta go beach it! See you in cold wet CT.

For He Alone Can Satisfy...

It's fun to have crushes. It's not so fun when you start to like someone for real. I am not complete yet. I don't want a boyfriend until I am exactly who God wants me to be. I refuse to find my worth in the arms of any man but my Heavenly Father (who blessed me with an earthly father who sees me the same way). I have still so much to learn and become before my heart and life are prepared for something that is real. And I'll wait for that one real guy. No flashy romance, no cheesy plotline, no love-at-first-sight-sweep-me-off-my-feet. Just a boy and a girl in love with Jesus, overflowing that love to each other. That's all I'm asking and waiting for.

Longing for SB

I'm in such a funk. It seems like not much in life is going my way right now. Sometimes I just wonder like... what God is doing. I think I only write on this thing when I'm upset, lol. I just want so many things that I'm not getting. I don't know if it's because I am trying to fill a hole with them or what. But it sucks. Yuck I am definetly in a weird place right now.
I can't wait for spring break! Gettin off this campus, seeing old faces, being with my wonderful family in my wonderful home... goin to Cancun with my daddy, being tan and not pasty white (!) and just being relaxed. And further more, summer is going to rock my world. I don't think I could ask for a better schedule. More on that later. Latron.

ugh

I have a splitting headache. I've been in my room all day besides taking a shower, and been in bed most of that time. I'm having one of the bad days, that is supposedly coming with the good days... but where are they? Yuck... I feel awful

"Last night, when I was turning tricks..."

I promised Joanna I would make that the title of this one, cuz she disagrees with me (I think I have a boring life, she thinks it's exciting). Tracy (Travis) went home today. I miss having her here! She is just so sweet and a pleasure to have around. I can't believe our week together is already done.
You know what's funny? Even when you feel God's peace for a day, a night, whatever... that aching comes back. It's like, what in the world makes me feel this way? Why do I feel contented one minute and restless the next? Why do I push for things I can't have and then get angry at God for knowing better than me? I just wish this time it would be for real. That I wouldn't have my head in the clouds, I wouldn't exaggerate things, I would just be still and know He is God... and know He is the only one who will ever truly love me.
Sorry... deep interjection for a silly day. Hannah and I had a fit of laughter... something about her breaking my nose and trying to feel my brain. It was hilarious and I think Grantham Ground may consider me mentally ill. OH MY GOSH there's no homesteading for next year! I am so pissed off. Now who knows where we'll end up or where Cait and Gwen will be! I am so writing housing and complaining. GRR!!!

I love you, chocolate

TRACY IS HERE! OH my word, we are having so much fun! She came to my classes, I hope they didn't bore her too badly. I have so many tests this week...so many. Which stinks cuz Tracy is here and I have to study. We went to Larson this afternoon and got fruit smoothies. We had this amazing conversation about direction, God, love and life... it was crazy. Like, she's grown up! I mean, it felt like the same page instead of big sister-little sister. She actually encouraged me a whole lot. A lovely unexpected surprise. She saw my crush and she was impressed! Tee hee, more to come!

Love Song for No One

I almost slept through my 8 oclock class because I keep turning off my alarm clock... but I don't remember it at all. This would be the third time in three weeks... so I'm stocking up on Tylenol PM or getting a prescription for Ambien from the clinic on campus. I have issues... hee hee. I always come into these thing thinking I have so much to write, and already I'm clueless. Later!

I miss my girls...