Nothin but LOVEEE

I am sure of nothing but His love.

As I prayed last night I found myself saying... Ok Lord I graduated over a year ago now and I have nothing of value to show for myself. I didn't serve you in missions like my friends did, I haven't made money like my friends did, I haven't found someone like my friends did, I haven't pursued my passions like my friends did... And I look over my life this past year and feel strange about it because it has been such a storm of highs and lonely lonely lows.

I have been selfish, I have been quick to anger, I have been lazy and calloused and cynical and rude and uncaring. I have ignored people's hurts and needs and felt sorry for myself and been jealous of what other people have. I have wished I was anyone but me and refused to see His work in my life. I have held grudges and thought nasty things about a sundry of topics. I have doubted God's plan unfolding and hated who He created me to be.

However... This year more than ever I have relied on grace, learned the value of forgiveness, and surrendered my own agenda. I've learned to cherish those who love me and pray for those who don't. I've longed for the peace of God and praised Him when He brought comfort in the storms. I stood on my own two feet and learned the difference between independence and interdependence. I learned to humble myself and cry out to Him as my protector and the only thing I'll ever really need. I realized I'm not all that great and yet I'm even more beautiful than I imagined possible because in spite of it all I'm the sparkle in His eye. I've found that despite my many failures I'm given unending hope. I've experienced what I thought I wanted and found myself longing for a different kind of life.

So basically, at the end of a turbulent and confusing year I have found that
I am sure of nothing but His love.