Little bit o'homesickness

No poem tonight.
It's strange, I'm a little homesick right now. I wanna know what's going on. I got to talk to Kirsten for an hour today, and it made my day. I miss her. I'm sad that it took us so long to remind ourselves we love each other. I miss Dana, and I'm sad that I have no clue who her boyfriend is... I'm sad that I'm not her best friend anymore and that we have to grow up. I miss Tracy and her smile. I'm sad that she's not a little girl anymore. I miss my mom and I miss telling her everything. I miss dependency. I'm sad that it won't be long til her house is not longer my house. I miss my dad and big backbreaking hugs. I miss the scent of a man that lingers on your clothes... and the comfort of knowing it's a man who's loved you since he laid eyes on you. I'm sad that I don't put in more effort to keep him updated on my life. I even miss Jessie and being the second-favorite. I miss her running away from everyone to follow mom around, and feeling her convulse during thunder storms. I am ready to be in the Allen house.
Beth's wedding is this weekend. I'm glad I have a date, that was so much pressure on me. I don't like things where you are forced to bring someone, it's like what about the single people? Cut us a break! So let's hope the fam doesn't read too much into this bringinghomeness, but theyre cool so I'm sure they won't.
Sometimes I feel so confused about what God has for me. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to get married... maybe it's the culture I'm immersed in right now or just the large culture I was raised in that makes me feel like I have to prove myself to someone. It's not my only goal, certainly. But hey... lets be honest, it's something I want. Sometimes I kinda wish it would just happen soon cuz it always feels like I've been waiting forever. Yet waiting on God's timing, I have to believe, will ultimately be worth all the years of singlehood and lonely nights. I'm thankful for my friends and the blessing they are to me everysingleday. And jobs... gosh, people have got to stop telling me I better figure out what I'm doing with my life. I'm freakin 19 years old, people! relax a bit. there you go, feel better?
I sure do.